i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
