don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
