I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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