the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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