My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My breasts were aching with rage.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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