Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
