You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
