the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
