i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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