Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
