My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
