Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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