i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
