I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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