I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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