just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
