I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
