So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
