The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
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Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
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I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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