Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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