I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize