I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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