wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
