I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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