So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
