I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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