So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
