I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
