so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
