I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
