Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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