how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
