I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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