he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
