I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
