you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
