i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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