You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
