have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
