The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He shit in the fireplace
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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