just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
