I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize