My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
