Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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