i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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