Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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