1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
id be glad to
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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