no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
