you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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