Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
