I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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