That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
