I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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