Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
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I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
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Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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