Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
