you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
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Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
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yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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