im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
