thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
