Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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