I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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