I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
