How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
