I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
