I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
