I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
