You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
