don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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