he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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