Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
