i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Four minutes until I can fart!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Everclear isn't food dammit
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
