Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
