# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
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