I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
