meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
