I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize